i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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