im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
