she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
