i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
