Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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