Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
