forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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