I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
