omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
