pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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