please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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