is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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