I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
