So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
