I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
