He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
