Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
