I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
