i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
