how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
