Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
