My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
