it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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