apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
