JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
