Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
