Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Randomize
