I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
