im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
