so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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