i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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