It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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