New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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