After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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