a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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