so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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