So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I need help removing her.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
