Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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