saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
