The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
