based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
