My nipple is on Facebook.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
