She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
