You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
