Im at strip club and am horny
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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