You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
