"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
