She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
