nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize