I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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