i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
