32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
