wanna go halves on a baby?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
