I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my sisters under your porch take her home
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
