ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
