Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
