Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
