She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
These tits shall not be calmed
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
