why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize