I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
