He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Randomize
