I think I am morally bankrupt
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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