belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
