That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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