Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
