I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize